As my daddy always said, “If it sounds to good to be true, it probably is.” That’s what crossed my mind when I saw a click-bait ad on Facebook. It was promoting $250,000 worth of life insurance for $15 if I was a father and 65 or older. I was bored so I though, “What the heck, I’ll click on it.” And I did.

After going through a few pages of Q&A it ended on a frame that said, Click Here For Quote. I did. Nothing. Absolutely nothing happened. Three minutes of my life wasted, I figured, until I checked my e-mail and something popped up from the insurance company wanting me to call an 800 number. I passed on it.

It was a nice day, so I went outside to my free gym and began mowing my half acre lot with the push mower. I was half finished when my phone rang.

Huffing and puffing a tad bit, I answered.

“Hello?”

“Is this Mr. Algood?”

“It is.”

“Mr. Algood did you inquire about life insurance online earlier today?”

“I did.”

“Great. Hang on the line and I’ll transfer you to an agent.”

I figured it was going to be a few minutes since music was playing in my ear, so I walked to the patio and to a seat by my dog, Spanky. It was pleasant music and a nice day. I needed a break from pushing the mower, so I waited.

“Hello. How may I help you?”

“You called me.”

“Oh. I see you inquired about life insurance.”

“Kinda… I hit your click-bait that I saw on Facebook about the $250,000 of life insurance for $15, and…”

She cut me off and started rattling on about her company. She sounded like a ten, had an unusual accent and spoke like a like a 78 set on a 33 record player. (You probably have to be of my generation to understand that.) In other words, she talked almost faster than I could listen.

She explained that she worked for Assurance Insurance Company and went on and on about the company’s ratings and said they had been in business since about the time Noah parked his boat on that mountain way over there.

“Then she asked, “Do you currently have insurance?”

“I do.”

“Great. Are you retired?”

“Yes. If I wasn’t I’d have better things to do than get on Facebook and click on life insurance ads.”

“Wonderful. Now I need to explain how life insurance works.”

“I don’t think so. I know a great deal about life insurance. There’s whole life, universal life, accidental life, term life… “

“Yes, but I don’t think you really understand…”

I cut her off, “Yes. I’m pretty sure I do. I want that life insurance you advertised. The $250,000 for $15 a month. I have fathered children and I’m over 65.”

“Yes, but you don’t understand how life insurance works. I need to…”

“Sure, I understand how life insurance works. I pay you $15 a month. I die. You sent my wife a check for $250,000 and she breaks her neck flying to the bank to cash that check. It’s really that simple.”

“There’s more to it than that, Mr. Algood.”

“I have another question.”

“What’s that?”

“Why are you discriminating against women that are over 65 and have given birth to children. Don’t ya’ll think some of us old guys would like to cash in a check for a quarter mill? I’d like to buy a pontoon boat and a cabin on Kentucky Lake.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, come to think of it, she probably wouldn’t want to spend 15 bucks a month so I could do that after she’s gone. Forget that question.”

“Mr. Algood, you don’t really believe you can buy $250,000 worth of insurance for $15 a month, do you?”

“Yes. I really do. That’s exactly what your click-bait ad on Facebook said. How do I sign up?”

A brief moment of silence on the other end. “Mr. Algood, I’m hanging up now.”

“No. Wait a minute. I…”

“Can you believe she hung up on me?” I looked at Spanky who had been listening to the conversation on speaker. He twisted his head sideways. Then he stretched.

That was my que to go back and finish mowing the yard.

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Rick Algood
March 20, 2019