You can no longer get here from there. As of today exit four on I-24 is closed, and it will remain closed for the next five weeks. So if you’re heading to restaurant row or to a motel, hotel, Walmart, Lowes, the mall or Chuckie Cheese – you can’t get there from exit four.

We locals know our way around that area and there’s a good reason for that. People in Paducah no longer cook, so we know how to get to all the restaurants from any direction. We will survive. Just don’t get between my wife and I when we’re headed to Chick-fil-A. Things could get ugly.

They’ve been working on that stretch of road for months now. What used to be four lanes with a center lane for turning has slowly been transforming into a conglomeration of two lanes on each side with a left and right turn lane. Or nearly eight lanes – give or take.

I have to give folks around here credit. They’ve endured concrete barriers and barrels scattered down the road in a hodge-podge manner for months. Just when we think we’ve figured out the lay of the land, someone one comes along in the middle of the night and rearranges everything -even the temporary lines on the highway. I figure it has to be the barrel fairy because I’ve never been able to catch the culprit in the act.

There are so many blacked out lines and new lines covering the surface of the road with turns and twist-backs that I feel like a blonde in a corn maze. It’s enough to make anyone dizzy.

For months we weren’t able to turn left while heading east into town at New Holt Road. Then overnight the barrel fairy dropped a couple more traffic lights from the sky, stole a few barrels and we finally had a way to get to Chuckie Cheese and Shoe Carnival.

But for the next five weeks the businesses along that stretch may feel a little pinch while the state shuts off exit four to install what they call a double diamond. I am guessing that folks who are traveling down I-24 that are accustomed to having Paducah as a stopping off point for refueling and grabbing a bite to eat will just zoom on by rather than try to maneuver around all the detours to get back to what we locals call restaurant row.

And for those that can’t take the exit to get to their favorite watering hole, don’t fret. That Jim Beam Distillery warehouse that collapsed last week lost over 40,000 gallons of bourbon. The twenty-three-mile long spill has now reached the Ohio river and will flow by Paducah soon. If you take exit three and head east, you can wind your way around to the foot of Broadway to reach the river. You might want to bring a bucket or two. Don’t forget your swimmies. If you can make it to my house, I’ll rent out my kayak cheap. Just leave a quart or two in the bottom.

They say it will be nice once it’s all finished. I’m sure they’re probably right. The interstate won’t be backed up for miles in both directions come Christmas time when everyone is trying to exit and shop at the mall. That’ll be nice.

But for the next five weeks anyone traveling through this area might want to keep in mind that you can’t get here from there unless you take a detour. That would be exit three or exit seven.

As for us locals… We will survive. Nothing is going to keep us away from our food source. We will not be forced to learn how to cook no matter how bad things get.

Good luck. Bon Appetit. And bring a bucket.

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Rick Algood
July 8, 2019