We have been giving it some thought for quite a while. Several years ago we purchased plots in Paducah’s most historical cemetery where writers, notable physicians, politicians and pioneers are buried. There is even a mule that once worked for the fire department interred there.

But we kept putting off the most difficult decision, telling ourselves that we would get around to it someday.

After celebrating our forty-ninth anniversary we figured someday had arrived, so we made an appointment and went down to the funeral home to make final arrangements.

I must admit I entered the meeting with a preconceived notion of what I thought I wanted and walked out with something entirely different.

A friend of mine who is mentor and pastor works there part time. One of the things we have in common is a dry sense of humor, so after we were led into a rear room by one of the planners

I asked if they had a friends and family discount because I had a friend who worked there.

She said, “No.”

Then she began by filling out a form with my wife that detailed place of birth, occupation, parents, siblings, children, grandchildren, hobbies, etc.

Things progressed to the obituary, service, burial, cremation, etc. She asked about makeup, hair, nails, glasses, dress, flowers, pastor, etc.

Honestly, I had never considered most of the things she was talking about, but like a good husband I sat there and took it all in and tried to keep my mouth shut.

She informed us we could buy or rent a casket. Did you know they have rental caskets? I didn’t.

The more I listened the more I learned. Like Yogi Berra once said, “You can observe a lot by watching.”

When she finished with my wife she pulled out a new set of forms, looked at me and began, “Parents, siblings, occupation, hobbies, etc.”

After the stats were out of the way I said, “I’ll make it easy for you. I don’t have much hair, but could you check the nose, ears and eyebrows? Don’t touch the mustache. Light on the makeup, no nail polish, glasses are optional, sport coat, slacks. Rental casket and a green marble urn. I have already written my obituary, and service. So don’t worry about any of that stuff.

Plant most of me over at Oak Grove Cemetery on a nice sunny day. Sprinkle the dirt I have in a jar from the farm where I grew up over me. And don’t forget to sprinkle my dog, Spanky’s, ashes in there somewhere.

If it’s not too much trouble sprinkle a little bit of me beneath the large oak tree in the front yard of my childhood home in Mississippi. I spent most of my formative years playing in a sandbox there. (I hope the new owners don’t mind.)

If I have any advice for you, it would be this; Do this before you have to. Do it while you have a sense of humor, and do it so that the ones you leave behind won’t have to.

I must add that she had put our minds at ease by the time we walked out of that office. I left with entirely different plans than when I walked in. I was reminded of another Yogi euphemism, “When you get to a fork in the road, take it.”

We returned home to continue binge watching Young Sheldon.

Most importantly, before you preplan your funeral, preplan your eternity. Concerning the thing that you are using to transport yourself around here on planet earth? It will eventually return to dust, but your soul is eternal. You can message me for more details.

On another note, I told my friend who works at the funeral home I had requested him to perform my service, and he reminded me that he is older than I am. He said that if he is still around someone will probably have to roll him out of the nursing home to get there. So be it.

Finally, it’s like Yogi Berra said, “It ain’t over until it’s over.”

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Rick Algood
February 5, 2024